My worst anxiety attack ever…
…was last night!
As I wrote in my post yesterday, my day did not go very well. Here’s a brief description of events:
- Receiving notebook RAM I had ordered only to discover it was the wrong stuff.
- Struggling with a horrible cough resulting from a bout of the flu.
- Having to rush to help Erin put cream all over her body as she awoke with a rash covering about 95% of it.
- Sending Erin to emergency only to learn she has the ‘German Measles’.
- Having to console Erin because she won’t be able to see her friends as one of them is pregnant. We all know the risks with German Measles.
- Receiving a telephone call from the medical consultant for my insurance company wanting to make an appointment to ‘prepare’ me for going off disability benefits.
I managed to get through the day step by step.
When I dealt with the phone call from my insurance company asking for an appointment in a couple of days, I was upset because the agent had requested contact information for all of the medical professionals I was currently seeing. This was the last thing I wanted as I really liked the counselor at the Ann Davis Society and was so optimistic about seeing her without the interference of the insurance company to sour things. I’m just going to have to stand firm and ask this counselor to keep the content of our sessions totally private and separate from the insurance company.
Once Mark was home, I could hear him in Erin’s room talking to her about her illness and suddenly I couldn’t breathe normally. My heart was racing and thumping so hard I thought it was going to jump out of my chest or back.
Mark came upstairs at this point and immediately rushed over to me, holding my hand and checking my pulse all at once. He was quite upset at how erratic the pulse was. It was at this point I completely lost it. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, and my breathing was very shallow and rapid. I couldn’t catch my breath and was unable to control my racing heart.
Once I was over the worst of the attack, I sat trying to will the beat of my heart to return to normal. My feelings of panic would not abate as my heart continued to pound erratically.
Finally, I could feel things returning to normal after about two hours. I had just about reached the point where I was going to ask Mark to take me to emergency because I was becoming so frightened.
Although there’s no actual pain involved, panic attacks have to be the most uncomfortable things one can experience. I wouldn’t wish them on anyone.