Menopause

Thirteen signs I’m in MENOPAUSE!?

Lately I’ve been asking myself if I could possibly be in menopause. Then, after making this list of symptoms and comparing them with the cartoon at right, I was left in no doubt.
  • Menopause Dwarfs300In the winter, ALL of the pets cuddle up close.
  • In the summer, NONE of the pets will come near me.
  • I routinely wear antiperspirant like body lotion.
  • I arise from bed in the morning dripping wet, the sheets feeling like they went straight from the washer to the bed.
  • Setting the furnace for my sleep comfort causes others in the household to awake with ice crystals in their hair and beards.
  • I can’t sleep at night, and can’t stay awake during the day.
  • I live my life in a haze of peppermint aroma from ‘Gold Bond’ medicated lotion to kill the itchiness.
  • I forget to use the checklist I spent so much time creating.
  • All important tasks must be done IMMEDIATELY or they’ll never get done. (See #8.)
  • Everything makes me cry – even funny things.
  • A frequent chin plucking is necessary. After all, I don’t want to outdo my husband and son in the beard growth department.
  • I pinch the skin on my hands and wrists, and get the ‘ripple’ effect.
  • I suffer mood swings, making our old family joke of substituting the word ‘psychotic’ for ‘psychic’ seem particularly fitting.
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